Tag Archives: humor

Excerpts from Pet’s Diaries

A little humor, courtesy of one of my company’s partners:

————

What pets write in their diaries:

Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary…

dog

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk Bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

Excerpts from a Cat’s Daily Diary..

cat

Day 983 of my captivity…

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a ‘good little hunter’ I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of ‘allergies.’ I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now…

Tom Hanks is Bond. James Bond.

Dude, this is an awesome trailer mash-up. The voice-over’s a bit weak, and you kind of have to pretend that Tom Hanks looks the same age in all the clips, but wow. Of course, the idea of Hanks being Bond scared me for a second…

I couldn’t catch all the clips, because most of them are from older Hanks films that I haven’t seen, but it has twenty different films represented. TWENTY. That’s an enormous amount of work. Hat tip Trailer Mash.

Recut trailers

Recutting movie trailers seems to be all the rage these days. Here’s a few of my current favorites (I’m not really choosing all the ones that take comedies and romances and turn them into thrillers and horror films…that what most everyone is making):

Office Space as a psychothriller:

Sleepless in Seattle with Meg Ryan as desperate obsessive:

And my favorite: The Sound of Music as a tense, yep, you guessed it, thriller.

The strain of music at the very end totally makes it.

Just to reverse the trend, here’s the one that I think started it all (at least, it was the first recut trailer to make the blogosphere rounds that I saw):

The Shining as a feel-good family film.

I haven’t seen The Shining, so I don’t really get as much out of this one as the other three, but I know it’s a horror film, and you definitely don’t get that from this trailer!

And you thought trailers actually gave you a good idea of what to expect from the film! Heh.